Young children participating in a religious march

Damn, it took me almost 15 years to leave a cult

Life is busy, and options are even more limited when you are giving a good chunk of your money, time, and talents to a toxic organization or relationship. It took me almost 15 years from the time I had my first doubt until I finally submitted my official request to terminate my membership. Here are some signs that you might be an a cult or high-control religion.

I’m sharing my experience because there’s probably a Rebelle who is where I was.  If you relate to any of these, babes, I’m sorry to say but you’re probably in a cult or high-control religion. If my list feels familiar but you’re still not sure, I’d say try taking a break from actively participating. Feeling anxiety about leaving a relationship or organization is a sign that it’s cultish.

Do you relate to any of these?

  • I’m part of a religious organization that requires a certain percentage of my income to appease a God who resides in a realm where manmade currency has no value. Bonus points if the leaders live in extreme wealth while parishioners struggle to pay for their basic needs.
  • I worship with a group of people who have bigoted beliefs against humans who don’t conform to their standards for expressing gender and sexuality. Bonus points if this community covers up non-consensual sexual acts.
  • I’m part of a faith community that rejects modern medicine and makes parishioners feel like illness is a punishment from God and the result of bad acts. Bonus points if they offer proprietary health solutions that only work if you are 200 percent faithful to the protocol.
  • My spiritual community promotes thought-terminating cliches.
  • The organization I volunteer and worship with keeps me so busy that I barely have time to pursue non-church-related activities and interests.
  • The worship service is several hours long and you don’t get to question the process or presenters. Honestly, if your worship service mimics any of the strategies used in Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) or high-pressure sales tactics, you better run for the exit.
  • There are extensive rules about diet. The church dictates what, when, and how much you should eat to be considered a member in good standing. They might not hold a gun to your head or directly punish you for not adhering, but those who do are praised and ranked higher. Bonus points if they produce and sell you these food items.
  • The church is obsessed with producing media to document their good works, media to boost moral and convert new members. They claim you only need the Bible to be saved, but bombard you with reading assignments. Think sermon notes, weekly study plans, daily devotionals, book clubs, manuals, and magazines.
  • You have a thriving social life, but upon closer inspection, all the clubs and activities are church-related. Think youth groups, women’s ministries, book clubs, visiting the sick and shut-in, community clean ups. Do you do any good that’s not church sanctioned?
  • There is an endless stream of expensive books, classes, and seminars promising to teach you how to find salvation in the afterlife. Like, why they never just give the information away for free? Why they no have a manual on how to make this life better, since the know so much about the afterlife.
  • There’s an obsession with the end times and life after death and little thought is given to fixing the problems present in this life. And when you do tackle earthly problems, the motivation is to get people to join your group or the strategy never involves fixing the systems that create the problems. Bonus points if the end times predictions flop and the new markers are now vague and indiscernible.
  • There is a charismatic or super special leader who claims to have special gifts or insights. Bonus points if this leader makes false predictions about future events. Double bonus points if this leader has access to health secrets but somehow still died — I mean, transitioned from their earthly body.
  • The organization spends significant resources squashing cult accusations. Beloved, be real. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
  • There are (un)official rules that basically encourage the group to shun, ice out, or pressure those who leave or go against the group. Seriously, ask yourself: do you feel like you need to keep communications with former members a secret? Do you feel like you are pressured to monitor and report on the activities of others?
  • Do you hesitate to share your faith with others? That’s probably your gut telling you that shit ain’t right vs. the Devil tricking you to deny Christ or your esteemed leader, or whoever you worship.

I left my church for these and many other reasons. I’m not an expert on cults and high-control religions. I’m just a person who consumed a lot of cult-related media during the Panini Press and finally put 2 and 10 together.

Not sure if you are in a cult or a high-control religion? Here are some podcasts, YouTube channels, books, and other resources that helped me sort out feelings and facts.

Note: When you review these media, resist the urge to blame or ridicule victims. They are doing us a service by sharing their experiences. Be compassionate and reflect on the broader patterns vs. the specific acts. Doing so was how I was finally able to see that I was in a high-control religion. Life is busy, and options are even more limited when you are giving a good chunk of your money, time and talents to a toxic organization or relationship. It took me almost 15 years from the time I had my first doubt until I finally submitted my official request to terminate my membership. And I very likely would not have found the time if the COVID-19 pandemic hadn’t forced everyone to stay home. Without that break from routine and access to the following media, I probably would have just described my church as “conservative”. Here’s to rebelling against these systems of oppression while being kind to ourselves and others.

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Onicia Muller is a Caribbean native currently freezing her buns off in Chicago. She's a writer, comedian, and Jill of all media trades. Read her writings online at www.oniciamuller.com. Hire her for multimedia...