It’s been quite awhile since I acquired the Mother Interior from Hole Punch Toys. They’ll be the first to tell you they serve up their toys with a side of irreverence—it’s more about the aesthetics and the artistry than the usability. Exhibit A: Mother Interior, a dildo molded to look like a somewhat abstract, but very shapely nun.
As former Catholic schoolgirl, I drooled over the Mother Interior for probably two years before I finally took the plunge. I was unsure at first because, if you know any of my sex writing, you’ll know that I suffer from chronic pelvic pain. Often, I need toys that are smaller and softer, and Mother Interior is very much the opposite. But due to the fact that the tip of the toy is, well, her head, it does make for a slower, easier start, which is more comfortable for me. I do still have to slather her in a thick water-based lube for optimal comfort.
Though the head is easy enough to insert, Mother Interior does get pretty girthy pretty quickly. Her arms are in prayer position over her chest, her habit flows down her back. For me, only the first few inches of Mother Interior are useable because her girthiest part—her very fine booty—is too big for me. But that booty does make for a nice stopping point. Because it’s more abstract, the shape of Mother Interior is unusual. Though my body prefers softer and smaller toys, I do like texture. Mother Interior isn’t textured, exactly, but her curves do offer sensations different from most of my other toys. (My favorite dildos are soft fantasy toys from the likes of Lust Arts and Strange Bedfellas.)
There is a seam that runs along the sides of the toy—the front and back halves are molded separately, then put together. It can be irritating depending on how you use the toy (spinning, for example, will amplify the sensation), but for the most part, I don’t notice or it doesn’t bother me. I most often use Mother Interior by thrusting her very slowly—a requirement due to her size and shape, but this is my favorite way to use textured toys anyway. My inner labia are very sensitive (in the good way), so slower thrusts let me savor the sensations.
There’s actually one other way I think Mother Interior can be used and that’s as a thuddy impact toy! Her silhouette is such that below her ample buttocks, she narrows, and then bottom of her skirt flares out, so it’s a good place to grip. (In my opinion, this is also the best place to hold onto when you’re fucking yourself or someone else with it.)
OK, OK. I mentioned up front that I am a former Catholic schoolgirl and then left you hanging. So, what’s it like to have a sex toy shaped like a member of the clergy? Excitingly sacrilegious. What’s it like fucking myself with a sex toy shaped like a sexy nun? Blissfully blasphemous. I find it funny, dark, and empowering, yes, but sometimes it’s just some good clean fun.
By the time I attended Catholic school, nuns no longer taught in the classrooms. For awhile, one was our principal. As an adult, it is painfully obvious to me that I had MAJOR Sapphic tendencies for most of my childhood and adolescence—I can see now that many “friend crushes” I had on girls were indeed real crushes. I can honestly say, though, that I never had a thing for any nuns.
So personally, the draw to Mother Interior wasn’t the fact that she was a nun, exactly, but the fact that it felt—to me—like an irreverent take on a symbol of the patriarchal, homophobic, incredibly hurtful and abusive religion I left behind. I don’t use Mother Interior very often (due to my pelvic pain), and only once did it feel like a big Fuck You (literally) to the Catholic Church. For the most part, when I do use her, it’s a purely joyous occasion. Amen to that.
Top photos courtesy Hole Punch Toys