Just the Tip offers smart and compassionate sex and relationship advice from queer non-monogamous kinkster Jera Brown. If you have a sex or love question you’d like Jera to answer, email firstname.lastname@example.org or DM Jera on Twitter @thejerabrown/a>.
A friend of mine just started dating another cis-woman for the first time, and she reached out to me looking for resources on queer sex. Here’s my general advice:
First of all, I cannot recommend “Girl Sex 101” enough! It is such a well-written, gender-friendly book. My more “traditional” book recommendation (and still a good one) is “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book“: Lots of good sex info, it also talks about identity and such, so if someone is starting to embrace a woman-loving-woman identity it’s a good choice.
Equipment-wise: I recommend lube lube lube! Pussy play almost always benefits from more lubrication! And vaginas tend to be more sensitive, so you want to make sure you are using a body-safe lube. Water-based Sliquid H20 or Sassy are my top go-to choices. They are slippery, vegan, safe, and they have almost no taste, so you don’t have that to worry about with oral sex.
Now that said, someone going down on a vulva (or being gone down on) for the first time might be wary of taste and scent, and that is OK. A little body-safe flavored lube might help one ease into the fantastic wonderfulness that is cunnilingus.
Vibrators are a great way to enhance play with others (regardless of gender), but some toys lend themselves to a two-vulva situation better than others. Try putting a Magic Wand between you, or grab a double bullet to share the fun!
I like to remind folks that just because a P is not going in a V, safer sex should not be ignored! A smart vulva-loving gal makes sure she has dams and gloves stocked to keep things safe.