what not to ask an unmarried woman

…unless you want to get punched in the genitals.

Question, followed by the Answer the unmarried woman* wants to give but doesn’t because she was raised right. Just know that she’s mentally punching you in the genitals.

Q: Do you think you’ll ever get married?
A: Do you think your relationship is making that option look attractive? Cuz, well, it’s not. But I’m picky and don’t find endless public bickering attractive.

Q: Wow, another new boy/girl-friend? I don’t know how you keep them all straight.
A: I know, right? I was just thinking the same thing about your spouse.

Q: Don’t you get lonely?
A: Not with all of the voices in my head, I don’t. Uh oh, one of them is telling me to punch you in the genitals. Shhhh…listen closely, and you can hear her. Come closer…

Q: I can’t imagine being single — shudder — how do you stand it?
A: I have a great & supportive circle of friends, a membership to Early to Bed and a LIFE.

Q: Don’t you want kids?
A: Only if it means I can double my wardrobe. Do they come in my size?

Q: Don’t you want to settle down?
A: Like you did? Oh, wait, you said “settle down,” not “settle.” Sorry. Um, no.

Q: Don’t you think your girlfriend will be offended reading this?
A: If she likes it, she can put a ring on it.

In Rebellion & comin’ out swingin’,

*Unmarried means just that, not married. This goes for single women of any/all sexual orientations and/or identities who are casually dating,** in relationships but not married, divorced, etc.

**Casually dating also includes plain ol’ f*cking around.

Karen Hawkins is the Founder and Rebelle in Chief of Rebellious Magazine. She is a recovering mainstream media reporter and editor who wants to thank her former boss for naming the online magazine she's...

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